Why Avoiding Student Loans Was the Best Thing I Did for My Success and the Worst Thing I Did to My Mental Health

Dec 28

In 2014, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree and $0 in student loan debt. At just 19 years old, this set me up for success early on — and mental health challenges I’m still dealing with ten years later.

Going into college, I knew I wanted to work for myself as quickly as I could after graduating. To pull that off, I’d have to graduate with as little debt as possible.

As a result of meticulous planning, frugality, scholarships, and 529 savings plans from my family, I did it.

Here’s how graduating from college debt-free set me up for success:

I was able to save money

With no debt payments and low expenses, I saved $13,000 in my early twenties.

At 21, I became self-employed

I was 18 and still in college when I started my photography business. Over the following three years, I built a steady income through my business while maintaining a full-time job.

Without the pressure of loan payments, I could afford to take a pay cut and become self-employed at 21.

A few months after becoming self-employed, my husband and I bought a house

Let me preface this by saying there’s no way I could have bought a house without my husband.

Banks are hesitant to lend to self-employed individuals. Despite having been in business longer than a mortgage requirement’s two-year minimum, my business wasn’t earning as much as I did from my job.

My husband’s steady employment income is what allowed our application to be approved.

However, because he had numerous loans, he had been unable to contribute to a savings account. That’s where I came in.

My savings covered our closing costs with money left over.

And how graduating debt-free put a strain on my mental health

It was a cold, gray day when I completed my last final. I walked out of my Vermont college into the cutting wind, hunched over until I reached my green VW bug in the parking lot.

I started the engine and immediately cried. Not tears of joy at having achieved something so difficult, I was complete stress sobbing.

The feeling of exhaustion and frustration at what I went through hit me like a wall to the point where it took several minutes of sobbing to finally feel the release of the weight that I no longer had to do it anymore.

But ten years later, my body is still addicted to that high cortisol.

I’m stuck in a stress response

Earlier this year I followed an Instagrammer who teaches somatics and shares how the stress response shows up in our lives. And I’ve recognized myself in many of her posts.

I spent my high school and college years in survival mode and haven’t yet been able to reset my nervous system.

I feel guilty and nervous for resting

I became so used to an overflowing calendar that when I have spare time, especially during the week, I feel restless and guilty. Like there’s something I’m missing or something else I could or should be doing.

It’s why, unless I actually travel away from home, I usually invent tasks to complete during my off time.

Accomplishing milestones early led to self-doubt

There was a point in my mid-twenties when my Facebook feed started to flood with engagement announcements, home purchases, and the births of children.

I’d see and hear about these celebrations, and the praise that went along with them, which left me feeling like I hadn’t accomplished anything lately.

I blew out my major milestones by the time I turned 22. My praise came in a short, concentrated burst but I grew accustomed to being recognized because it was happening so frequently.

When praise shifted to friends and people I went to high school with, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough.

It took me a few years, but in my later twenties I was fortunately able to recognize that I was still doing well and am happy with my life.

I don’t regret graduating from college without student loans. I’m grateful for the success I’ve had as a result, I’m just disappointed at how much I had to sacrifice to manage that feat. It shouldn’t be as unreasonable of a goal as it is.

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