“Pick Your Brain” = Pick Your Payment

Entrepreneurialism

May 8

Written By Hey there! I'm Meg:

“Pick your brain” is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

It’s usually backed with a “I’ll buy you coffee” as a way to compensate for the free advice seeking.

But you’re worth more than a $5 coffee.

Your insight is the shortcut to another person’s success, and what you know is valuable. You spent time and effort accruing that wisdom and experience — and it should be respected.

(It’s also unfair to your actual clients when you give away your time and expertise for free.)

In fact, a book I recently read on etiquette had this to say:

“Expert advice from professionals is valuable; it’s linked to years of training. By using it as a party trick, you trivialize both the advice and the person and ask, in effect, for the person to help you cheat him or her out of an office fee.” — “The Art of Civilized Conversation” by Margaret Shepherd (page 60)

It’s not greedy to be paid, and it’s not rude to say no. Here are some scripts to help you avoid the brain-picking:

How to refer to payment

“I want to help people, but I can’t be everyone’s unpaid consultant.” — As told to Justin Welsh by a friend; Shared in the 1/18/2025 edition of The Saturday Solopreneur

My work schedule is full, so coffee isn’t doable these days. Are you interested in becoming a client or do you just have a quick question?
• If they reply with a quick question, refer to resources or reply with, “Unfortunately that’s beyond my area of expertise so I’m unable to help you.”
Thanks for reaching out! I charge a flat fee for this kind of advice so I’m unable to answer questions via DM’s/email, but I’ll drop a link below where you can book a consultation with me.
I’m not available for lunch, but you should consider signing up for my [service]. It’s helped others in your situation/with the same question.
I don’t have time to meet for coffee unless we’re scheduling it as a consultation. If so, my rate is X.

Bonus: If you’re flat-out asked to work for free:

This sounds like an exciting opportunity, and thank you for considering me! Are you able to confirm that this opportunity is paid?
I appreciate you thinking of me for this opportunity. Unfortunately, I am unable to take on any unpaid projects at this time. / I don’t have the budget for non-compensated work.

How to redirect to resources

I’m unable to fit in a coffee date but I can share some resources:
Your question requires an answer that I, unfortunately, do not have time to fully address. However, you might find the following [book/blog/thinkers/YouTube video] helpful.
Thanks for your insightful question! Check out my [book/blog/YouTube tutorial] on the topic at [LINK].

How to say no

Unfortunately, I’m unable to take the time needed to provide a thoughtful response on this.
That’s beyond my area of expertise so I’m unable to help you.

If the competition wants to “collaborate” or ask how you did it

In some instances, it may be worth having a meeting to understand what your competition offers. Having a list of other businesses you can refer clients and customers to is helpful if they’re not the right fit for you or if you’re not taking on new clients.

But if a competing business wants to pick your brain on how to build their business, refer them to a general business resource. There’s a difference between gatekeeping and respecting the time and effort you put into building your business. You don’t have to share your strategies or how you acquire clients with another aspiring business owner, especially a competitor.

If a competitor phrases their request as a “collaboration,” it most likely means they want to work with you on projects to start building their client list. Avoid this.

In your response to any inquiry from a competitor, be respectful and encouraging. Sharing a general resource gives them somewhere to start and shows that you’re helpful without giving away any “trade secrets.”

Avoid explanations or excuses. You don’t want to welcome a debate on their intention for a meeting.

I’m unable to meet but I wish you the best.

The [insert resource here. Ex. Small Business Development Center (SBDC), Small Business Administration (SBA), or my online courses ;)]. may be a good resource for getting started.