I have been rather confused lately. It is a perplexity that has been occurring for a few months now, but never did I fully comprehend my confusion until recent.
Last night I enjoyed a fun filled evening at my friend, Alex’s 19th birthday party. I loved up his cat- this super fluffy and cuddly thing- and then he brought us to the elementary school field to play Ultimate Frisbee, Capture the Flag, run around and be silly. At first it took me awhile to adjust. After all, the last time I played a game like that was almost four years ago!
Regardless, I had an awesome time. My pants were soaked from wet grass by the end of it, and I felt refreshed from the exercise. The fun I had also put me in better spirits.
Then I went home. I packed my lunch for work, cleaned up, and went to bed thinking about the day ahead of me. It was an odd feeling. Work. Since starting at the bank, I have always known the position was more adult, but the Franconia girls always made it a fun time. Now that I’m a residential loan assistant, the monotonous tasks of adult working are truly beginning to sink in. It’s also weird to see a former high school classmate dressed up in tie and shirt working downstairs…
I feel as though I have been caught in the stage of adulthood. Granted I still live with my parents, but I have been doing my own grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen, computing figures for a car loan application, paying my college bill- which requires even more figures and professional letters to claim scholarships- and have even begun to pay some of my own personal bills.
This past year I have worked at the bank and gone to school, which is extremely challenging. However, college is more sophisticated than high school, and as I spent more time at work than physically sitting in a classroom, I felt more tied to my job than my education. I even planned my school schedule around work!
So all along I have been growing and creeping towards independence, and it has only been catalyzed by this past year. Last night was the full realization. It was difficult for my mind to process a night as a kid and the following day as an adult. It’s as though I am in-between these two stages. My age and inner demeanor makes me a kid, though my actions and responsibilities are pushing me to be an adult. It’s cool that I am able to choose sides, though. To play and own a car is rather nice. I suppose I am just confused on what I want more of. Do I want to play and be silly, or do I want to move out and be responsible? Could I have both? Who’s to say?
There’s the cliché, “you’re as old as you feel”, which I think people should follow more often. Some people are more mature than others at different ages (a-hem, me and my brother). We should be able to act as we want. One can be 14 years-old with a job or a 14 year-old with paid chores. 70 years-old in a nursing home or 70 years-old hiking a mountain. I think age is more of a psychological characteristic than a physical, and that we should never be told what we can and cannot do because of it. Granted- I still don’t believe it a wise decision to live with your mother until age 40. There are still exceptions, but that’s just it: Exceptions. Not norms, mores, taboos, whatever. Personal choice.
“Do what you like, like what you do.” ~Life is Good
Here is another post where I rant about treatment contingent on age: /missmegabug/2012/12/age.html